So here’s a little of my back story –
My dad was in the Army which meant moving every 3 years. I was diagnosed with depression around 12 or 13. My younger sister had been in a mental hospital and in turn I had overdosed on a medicine trying to make the hurt of it go away – all by the age of 15. My sister had a baby at 16 and I had one at 18. You get the picture…
For the most part of 20 years, I have struggled with severe depression. I have blocked the world out while suffering within. I have told myself that I have been unhappy for so long that nothing could change it. Oh sure – there were good times – but way more bad times.
Fast forward to Dec. 2010 – now I’m a married mom of 3 boys lost in this spiral of trying to figure out who ‘I’ am. Which role that I play is most important? Are they more important than the role of ‘me’? I have dealt with depression all this time – so can I just switch it up and be happy now? From all these questions I made a simple New Years Resolution for 2011 – learn to like the real me, including pictures of myself. What a year of exploring myself I spent. I even made this layout of all the pictures I took during the year – just to prove to myself that what I had been doing was working.
So… what I have been experimenting with this year on my journey of self-exploration is journaling. Last time I saw my doctor – he suggested I get a journal. That means I went home and started Google-ing journals (cause I’m a nerd like that – I Google everything!) which lead me to finding art journals Let me tell you – I think my whole life would have been different had I found a release like this many years ago. I’m no artist by any means. I’ve always told myself I wasn’t the creative type – even though I’ve dabbled in a few things like cross-stitch and scrapbooking (both paper and digital) throughout the years.
This is where I get excited…
One night I grabbed some of my kids watercolors and a paintbrush and just let go. It may sound crazy to you – but I remember feeling the weight lifting off my shoulders and my whole body relaxing. Seriously. All I was doing was letting the paintbrush glide across the page, letting the brush land where it may. There is such a freedom in just making marks on the page. Maybe you’ll like what you’ve done. Or maybe you will keep working on it later. Just knowing that it doesn’t matter – you can do whatever you want – no one is watching, you aren’t being judged, you are just letting it out. I’m here to tell you – it’s an AMAZING FREEDOM!!!!
These are a few of my favorite creations from the last couple of months. Some are finished – some may not be. Who knows? It’s a journey! I even made myself a journal. :)
Listen. Whether you struggle with depression, self-esteem issues, or anything else. It does not have to define you. YOU CAN BE FREE from it! You have the power to change! You are strong enough to change! You are worth it! You deserve it! Just go for it!
My challenge to you today is:
Grab a piece of paper and means for making marks (paint, crayons, markers, pen, anything). Get to somewhere alone (don’t be afraid to sneak in the bathroom and lock the door if you have to!) Take some deep breaths. And just make some marks. Relax your wrists and go with the flow. Be Free! Just try it!
When you are done – leave me a comment and let me know how it went for ya! :) **That will be your entry to WIN a handmade journal! For extra entries – Connect with me on the Get 2 Scrappin’ Facebook page and/or Pinterest. Be sure to leave a separate comment for each action you take.I’m Jacque, known mostly as Get 2 Scrappin’ online. I am so thankful to Kathy for letting me a part of this amazing series. I will be continuing to share my creative journey on my blog, Get 2 Scrappin’, and I’d love to have you visit sometime. :)